Last week I had my first appointment with my local CMHT. I was very nervous about it and also quite sceptical so I went to my doctors’ surgery early in the morning to get an appointment so that after the CMHT I could go and talk to somebody about it (plus I needed to talk about some other stuff too). So with the GP appointment with Dr W booked for 5.10 and the CMHT appointment at 3.30, I decided that I wouldn’t go to school (because I was undergoing some tests for the hospital and it would have been a little bit tricky and a little bit inappropriate if I was to go in) and would go to my mom’s choir and then hang around at home for a little bit to try and prepare what I was going to say at this appointment. I duly wrote a list of all the medications I am taking and wrote a list of all my “symptoms” including new ones that I was concerned about that NO ONE SEEMS TO BE LISTENING TO ME ABOUT. I mean hello? I feel like I AM GOING CRAZY!!!
So I got to the CMHT base in my town, I have been there before quite a lot of times. As soon as I got there I was called in by the psychiatrist and was taken to a room where there was a psychologist too. I gave her the list of medications and stated that I wanted to change my medication because it’s a pile of crap, not helping and making me feel like shite. She spent A LOT of time looking at all the communications between CAMHS and my GP. I tried to tell her all my new symptoms and what and why I was concerned about. She didn’t seem to take it all in and I was aware of that throughout the appointment. Anyway she came to the conclusion that I was doing better, had improved and probably didn’t really need to be seen and I’m thinking “WTF I’ve just told you I feel like I’m going out OF MY MIND!!!” At this point I was so glad that I had an appointment booked with Dr W because this girl needed to vent. And the request to change medication… Completely ignored. My dose was reduced (WTF once again) and the psychiatrist said she wanted to (if she decided to take me off the one I’m on now) try something that was on for a year, didn’t particularly help and I have been off for 9 months. WTF. The psychology side it was decided that I could have one to one CBT after my exams in June… Eugh, the thought fills me with joy.
By the end of it I was so glad that I had an appointment with Dr W so that I could talk it over with her. So off I went and vented my frustrations, ended up in tears and she could see how frustrated I was (oh and school have started to be dicks too but that’s another story so I was telling her about this too and she was very unimpressed.)
She said her and Dr B (my normal GP) would have a chat on Monday about the best medication for me and that we would work as a team together because they are the only people that are putting in the effort right now and who I trust with my life. She was so nice, as always and I always think I want to see her every fortnight rather than Dr B because she’s so calm and patient and comforting whereas Dr B, who although I trust so much and am indebted to her after she has saved my life SO many times can be harsh and I can come out of those appointments feeling deflated and upset.
On Friday I was still feeling pretty fed up by the fact that the psychiatrist had just ignored my frustration and worry about new symptoms so I decided that I would write a letter to Dr W talking about the symptoms (because I don’t feel I articulate them properly when I’m speaking to her). I felt guilty doing this in a way because she is not my usual GP but I thought that she would receive it better than Dr B. Now I’m dreading tomorrow when she will go into work, open the letter and then, I’m hoping she’ll give me a call to talk to me about it all because I really need to know that somebody understands and gets what I’m worried about. But I am really nervous and scared about it all.
So, that was my first encounter with CMHT. I was not particularly impressed if I’m honest. It’s my last appointment with the CAMHS CPN on Wednesday and I’m not really looking forward to that either. Oh it’s such fun having a mental illness.
I’ll keep you posted…
CAMHS To Adult 